Medieval depression

My life is sort of a contradiction

I want to live simply, yet I'm blogging.

I want to live humbly, yet I'm dying to make money.

I want to live in the city, yet I hate crowds.

Today is the day it all starts. (actually it was sometime last week)

I needed a catalyst though.

I'm gonna get down to business, gonna wash all the crap away.

Man this life has taken too much living out of me.
I want to change my pace, and find a place where I can breathe.
I've been trying make it big? why? Money?

I should be trying to lead a gracious life.

I'm taking another road.
I wanna find myself some soul.
But still, I'll do my best in everything.

The sad truth however is that I can't do any of this.

Does anyone know how to?